I know I am getting worse physically. My tummy is all stretched out from having babies, my back is out of whack, my arms are tired, and my knees are on the way out. I could go on. I know my body is not going to last forever, or perhaps even very long at all.
Mentally, I don’t seem to remember what I used to be able to remember. I think that’s because I’m a mom and there is so much stuff I need to remember, and there is just not room enough to fit it all into my brain. I compensate for this with a few lists: To Do List, Shopping List, etc. Lists are so great!
What is really important, though, and the reason I started writing this, is I am getting worse as a person. When I was younger, I thought I was a pretty good person. I went to church (my parents made me), didn’t do drugs/smoke/chew/drink or date boys that did, obeyed my parents (most of the time), and was generally a good person to others. When I was younger I gave my life over to my Savior, and I thought I was right on track.
But, as I get older, and perhaps a tiny bit wiser, I keep discovering what a horrible person I really am. I keep getting convicted of more and more and more and more things that I didn’t even know I had problems with. As I am slowly trying to give my life over to my Lord, he is slowly making me more like Him. And to do that, he has to get rid of so many things that are not like Him in my life. He convicts me of these things so we can deal with them. He just keeps showing me more junk in my life so we can work on getting rid of them.
I want this process to continue for the rest of my life. I need to keep finding out all the terrible things about myself, because that will mean that my Lord is working on transforming me into the joy that he wants. I want to be used for his purpose. This is what my life is for.