Does it matter?

Lately I’ve spent so much time on things that just don’t matter. I’ve been looking for a new couch. Does that matter? No. Not at all. It’s just adding more stuff to my house, more things to leave behind when I die. More junk to rot and mold and decay on this imperfect, dark earth. I’ve bought lots of little people on eBay for my kids to play with. That just doesn’t matter. They are going to grow up probably a little too spoiled, anyway. They have mounds of toys. They still fight over the same toy.

What am I teaching my kids? Can I, a selfish, materialistic being teach then what really matters? Can I show them that things, all of our mass amounts of stuff, don’t matter in the eternal scheme of things?

I want so badly to be used for His glory. I want to store up my treasures in Heaven like the Bible says.

I remember a real story in the Bible – it’s about a girl who died. As the mourners gathered around her home, they shared what the girl had done for them: the garments she made them, the many needs she had met for so many people. That’s what I desire to be like. When I die, I want people to remember that I met their needs. Because I was the hands and feet of Jesus, because I served them. I’m just not sure how to do that. What do I do?

If only it was easy. If only there was a checklist titled “God’s Will for Joy’s Life” that contained all the things I needed to do to follow Him. I could just go down the list and check things off when I did them. Oh, how simple that would be! But then where would the love be? Where would the passion be? I would just be religious. I would just be following the rules.

I feel like I flounder around, trying to figure out where I am and where I am supposed to be. What am I doing? What should I be doing? How do I know what You want for my life? What am I wasting my time on? What should be taking my time?

I only have a little bit of time on this earth. How can I make it count? I want to do what matters.